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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Adventures in Adoption - Weekend 3

Wow.  I knew that this would be an emotional roller coaster, but really?! Really?  The first two weekends were great.  Then this weekend.  It wasn't bad, just different.

Friday:  I get a call at 8am from Ms Case Worker.  She has 2 boys from diff families that need respite care for the weekend.  We discuss them a bit, she describes them and tells me about what they need; and I ASK "I can take them both?"  She hears - "I can take them both!"  Ok.  No biggie.  I'm a bit scared, but only two this time should be easier than three.

Friday evening rolls around and I take my daughter and her friend to a home school girl get together.  As I am leaving, I get a call.  A placement call.  After hearing about the children I think "I can do this."  Then I am told it is for foster care.  Hubby and I agreed a while ago that we could not do foster care.  I explain that to the Case Worker and we hang up.  Talk about emotional roller coaster!  I get home and do my thing until it is time for my first boy to come; we will call him "A."  A comes about 9 pm.  I talk with foster dad and get him busy playing.  Then I go get my girls from their get together.

Saturday morning - 7 am.  Boy #2 comes over.  We will call him "B."  A was  glad to see another boy in the house.  Both of the boys wanted to play video games, from the moment that A woke up and the moment B walked in the door.  After much protesting and whining, I got them to play in the playroom for a bit before breakfast.  We ate and cleaned up (they are both old enough to help out with their own mess).  Today was a beautiful day - no games.  I kicked everyone out and told them to play on the trampoline, scooter, color with chalk, play in the yard, or climb a tree.  Just get out of the house!  There was a LOT of whining - it's too hot, it's too cold, I'm bored, I don't want to play with this or that....  A came in and played in the play room and decided to have a fit. I'm not sure why, I was in the bathroom. After cursing at Hubby, he got sat down on the sofa for a bit of time out.

My girls had a fashion show and needed to leave at 11:00 to get there and get changed.  B wanted to stay, but A wanted to go - shocker.  I'm sure he just didn't want to be around Hubby and get in trouble again.  The show went well, and A got some game time - on my phone.  I figured this would appease him for a while.  I don't typically give in to whining, but at this point I was getting a headache.  Pick my battles.  This one is not worth fighting.  The girls were planning on having a friend over tonight so we picked up 2 friends on the way home.  After getting frosties we got home to find Hubby, Big Boy and B watching a movie - ugh.  I hate tv.  The girls and A sit and watch as well.  I don't argue.  It's about 2 pm so I go sweep the sidewalks and driveway and start figuring out dinner.

As soon as the movie was over I kicked everyone out again.  A and B beg for video games.  I tell them no games if they don't go out and play until after dinner.  A is not completely potty trained (or has bladder control issues - I'm not sure) and really needs a bath.  I call him in and get him cleaned up.  Still only 5:30.  Dinner is cooking but I want to wear all these kids out.  We go to the park.  The park is only 1/4 mile down the road.  Big Boy walks with A, who is on a scooter.  Baby girl rides her ripstick with her friend running next to her.  I drive B, Big Girl and her friend.  I bring all of B's 6pm meds.  We play for just under an hour.  I am satisfied that they will all sleep well tonight.

We have an earlyish dinner and get everyone else bathed.  We make sure the boys bags are packed for tomorrow and my kids have their things ready for church.  After a 20 minute video game, it's bed time.  We have church in the morning and I don't want to fight with cranky children.  It's about 8pm.  A and B fell asleep pretty quick.

Sunday - This morning came way to quick.  I get up early and shower then got the girls up - they take longer to get ready.  When they are about done Big Boy is ready to start his morning routine.  I let A and B sleep.  About halfway through Big Boys shower A gets up and goes right to the tv.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  No tv.  We eat breakfast and get ready for church.  After loading up the truck we leave.  Neither A, nor B are happy about leaving the tv.  We get to church and get everyone dropped off.  I am not in the mood to be at church today.  Definitely more stressed than I need to be.  I have never heard so much whining.

After church we go to band practice.  B was picked up at band practice.  Both boys enjoyed listening to the 'big kids' play for a few minutes.  After B left, A and I went to talk to someone about an upcoming fundraiser.  A had the tablet and found games.  Ugh.  Fine.  I understand that practice can get boring if you are not playing.

After band practice we have AWANA.  A didn't want to go.  He also had no idea what it was.  We went.  I like to think that he enjoyed the time there, his leader said he did well.  I never know if kids are Christians or are being told about Jesus, so church is not an option.  We leave Awana and get back to the house.  A needs another bath, and so does my back seat.  Darn.  I don't have a change of clothes for him.  I get a call from foster dad and he is 20 minutes away.  I don't have time to wash his clothes.  We have been getting ready for a garage sale, so I pull out some clothes for him to wear.  He whines (a lot!) that the clothes are too big.  At least they are clean.  Within minutes of getting him dressed, foster dad shows up.  Thank goodness.

I go make a second dinner (we have sandwiches between band and awana on Sundays) for the big kids who say they are still hungry.  I have Hubby and Big Boy make the pizza while I step outside to pray and clear my head for a second.  I just need quiet.  By the time I walk in, Hubby is telling everyone to get in the truck.  He and Big Boy messed up the pizza - now there is cheese all over the oven.  We go get Sonic for dinner.

This weekend did not go as I planned.

Problem #1 - It was my plan.  Not God's.  Every child is a child of God.  I feel like I failed because I was frustrated with the constant whining that I had a hard time loving on him the way I feel I should have.  We were not rude or mean, but not as loving as we could have been - even my kids were getting frustrated.

Problem #2 - I was scared of B.  With all his medical issues, food allergies and the vast amount of medication he is on I was scared to death that something bad would happen.

The last few weeks have been crazy.  Hubby and I decided not to foster because we did not feel that we could emotionally and mentally take in kids, get attached to them, then give them back.  That happened a few weeks ago.  Then we had this weekend.  Total opposites, but both the reason why we didn't think we could handle foster care.  Now we have full confirmation that we are not foster parents.  My bio children are not foster siblings.  We will stick with just adoption.

God made us all different.  I know parents who just provide respite.  I know a woman who cares for terminally ill children (totally  not for me), and some parents who only do foster care.  Then there is us.  I already have children and want more.  I am fully aware that no child is perfect.  They all come with baggage, some more than others.  I am also aware that any child that comes into my home can have a bad day and drive me crazy.  Oh wait! I have three of those already.  I know that God's plan is perfect, but I am surely confused!  I will remind myself of James 1:2-10 until I figure this out.

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